Today I decided I did want to pursue my Blog Project.... what date is it? Oh yes a year later! But like my dear mother used to say "Better late than never"! In all fairness I did go on a diet and loose a considerable amount of weight but I'm still in the Rat Race doing a 9 to 5 job. So all in all I can say that I succeeded in 1 Resolution out of 3 which is not bad at all considering most of the people I discussed resolutions with had thrown all their resolutions out of the window by the first week of the year.
On the 28th of December 2011 I sat down with my journal and made a list of things I want to do in 2012. I listed 9 things that I wanted to do which consist of 3courses, 2 different types of exercise, Volunteering, and learn a life skill. The remaining 2 resolutions were save money and find happiness! So I'm thinking if I apply myself and base myself on last year's statistics I have a chance of sitting here next year and say that I have accomplished 3 out of 9 Resolutions (Unless the Mayans were right in which case I really shouldn't bother). But let's keep the end of the world for another Blog Post shall we?
I have always been fascinated by what I call the New Years Phenomenon. I always found it amusing how people expected things to be different just because we have a new calendar hanging in the kitchen with a different digit at the end of that four figure number! I found it amusing until this year that is, when I have finally succumbed to the Phenomenon myself which made me in the end reflect about it all.
One of my friends on Facebook posted something on the lines of "It's finally 2012 and I just had a look outside and guess what? Everything is still the same". I have to agree with the statement, even though I now find myself a fully converted New Years Resolutioner (yes that is actually word)! What made me convert? The answer to that is very easy to explain, the cracks in my life have become craters and my life has spiralled out of control. I lost my sense of self and had a friend remind me the meaning of self-preservation in the last few months.
Well to summarise life has got tough and I find myself in a situation that naively enough I used to think "it will never happen to me". Much as I am aware that I am still the same person that I was 3 days ago, with the same problems and everything is pretty much the same as it was in 2011 there is something about a New Year starting that gives you hope. I think everybody is a bit of a sucker for new beginnings. How many times have you heard someone say "I will start the diet on Monday!", "Come Monday I am joining a gym!". No one ever says "This Sunday I am swapping my Sunday roast for Salad", "Tomorrow is Thursday and I'm going to start jogging" we simply all need that symmetry of the NEW BEGINNING. I think unfortunately that is what makes us fail and throw away our resolutions, that and the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves,but let me tackle one topic at a time.
I recently realised that I need to make a major decision and for fear of procrastinating I gave myself a cut off date. As the months progressed I started to realise that perhaps I really didn't need to give myself deadlines mainly because the fact that I feared procrastination I was not going to procrastinate and a deadline sometimes is just an added stress to an already stressful situation. The truth is that the deadline was more of a marker in the calendar by which time I was hoping that all my troubles would be resolved and I would have resumed a normal happy life. Having said that I know that if by the fatidical day I haven’t resolved my issues I will feel horrible because I would have let myself down, not reached my goal so on and so forth, which in the end I know it's more guilt than I really need. Instead of a starting point I gave myself and end date. Instead of “from Monday” or “from January the 1st” I just gave myself a 6 month deadline. Does it really make a difference? It might sound like it's work in progress so perhaps it's more promising then a start date but frankly I am still tying something major to a time-line which does note necessarily mean that it will get done.
Hmmm “Getting it done” leads me to my next point the infamous unrealistic expectations! I know now sitting here that having 9 resolutions is very unrealistic. I know now and I knew as I was writing them down that I have a very tough year ahead of me and it's very clear that Saving Money for instance will probably not feature much in my 2012, why did I put that down in my journal then? Maybe it was one of those positive moments where I was feeling on top of things and that I could do anything if I applied myself. Maybe it was all wishful thinking, maybe it was the yearning for a change that made me think that if I filled my every waking hour with an activity, my life would automatically transform itself. In reality if I did try to juggle it all I probably could do it but will it really give me what I am looking for? Will a wish list of exercise, courses and life skills drawn up on one winter morning really give me what I need in 2012? I think not! While I was writing my precious list did I take into account that I am living on planet earth, with a real job and real people in my life, probably not. In 2013 when I will be looking at my list again and see that I didn't achieve what I had listed will I be cutting myself some slack because I couldn’t attend a course because it clashed with a weekly meeting, that I didn't do as much exercise as I wanted because after a long day at the office the only thing I wanted to do is go cuddle up with my pillow or will I be punishing myself for not making the mark? I guess I can only say one thing...... watch this space!
The only true goal on that list was finding Happiness and even that is one big statement which has a multitude of directions it could go. When I look at my list I know that I have skirted around the things I really want in 2012 and I am not talking about materialistic things here. Why didn't I name those things in my list is beyond me but perhaps it's some sort of innate fear of accepting the fact that if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain. So maybe I should start a new journal entitled Resolutions (please note I omitted New Years) and keep it purely for Resolutions which like life itself should evolve and morph rather then simply become an unachievable list of goals drawn up on a bleak December morning. My 9 Resolutions are still things I want to do and achieve but perhaps not all in 2012 and perhaps some of them are not even important enough to be on a list that should be aimed to improve me as a person.
So to answer my own question I think that New Year's Resolutions are hopes and dreams for a better life, a better self that can become disillusions if we let them. One thing is for sure Calendars and Watches will not mark changes but only time that is passing us by, time that we are either using to make those changes, those little twists and turns we all make in our pursuit of happiness, or the time we are wasting away waiting for it to happen.
Happy New Year One and All
