I come from a tiny island where Christianity has a very strong presence still. Every village has at least one church (normally it's more than one) and statistics show that it's 99% Catholic. You must be wondering where I'm going with this; well growing up I was fervently thought to love my neighbour and treat everyone with respect which also included people who had a different skin colour or religious belief to mine. Up to a few years ago we were a very homogeneous country but regardless of that I never saw the Maltese people as being racist. So when you grow up in such an environment you think that racism is something of the past, something you read about in books or watched in movies and I couldn't be more wrong!
Like St Augustine once said “The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.” At the age of 24 I packed my bags and left the island to travel and that is when I started to see the world from a very different perspective. As a Mediterranean woman I am technically considered as white but because my skin is olive somebody with a fair complexion would not consider me as such. I lived in Ireland for a couple of years and it became very obvious by the reactions of the locals that I looked different, stood out, but I could not understand it at first. I was never racially abused but I think there were instances where I may have been very discreetly discriminated. It didn't really dawn on me how differently people saw me until I moved to Belgium.
Belgium is a very complex country to explain and unless you are a Belgian or you have lived there for some time you can never really grasp the complexities of little old Belgium. Recently I had a debate with a friend because she seems to think that they are racists but I had to disagree. Belgians do actually be-friend people who come from outside the country and welcome them into their lives as friends regardless of their skin colour, nationality, tongue or religion. In my mind Belgium has become a cultural melting pot in Europe and because of this some inhibitions have been lowered and people feel comfortable to talk about racial differences. On a cold grey winter morning I was complaining to my colleagues how I felt that I had lost all my colour and that I desperately needed a tan because I felt pasty white. Next thing I know my colleague looks up at me from a laptop he was fixing and with a cheeky grin he says " But you are not white!". I was both amused and shocked at his statement. "I don't see you as white" he went on "You have colour, ha, not like me!". My friend was indeed very fair and his statements were uttered lovingly and in no way were they intended to insult but they sure made me think a lot and made me aware of something I took for granted my entire life.
After two years in Belgium I came to London and that is where the fun begins! London, so big, so vast! London, where you could drop dead in the middle of the street and no one would notice but if they had to notice it would be your skin colour. Having said that in the last two and a half years I have been blessed with friends of all skin colours and nationalities and I can confidently say that if anyone of them would see someone dropping dead, they would notice and go to help regardless of their colour. So my belief that the human race can be good still holds. Until the Stephen Lawrence court case was in the news and highly documented by the BBC that is.
I had never heard about the murder or the trial before these last few days but I was horrified by this sad story. Whichever way you look at it and innocent 19 year old boy was brutally murdered and the lives of the people around him who loved him and cared for him destroyed. Whatever the colour or creed shouldn't have mattered! Justice is always depicted as a woman with a blindfold.... is it really? The whole story is one big racist mess and even though two people have been sentenced I feel that it's just not enough. The sentences were for 14 and 15 years hardly a penalty for murder but the jury has taken into account that they were juveniles at the time of murder. Juveniles or not they took the life of an innocent person and destroyed that of many others and even though they were young I am sure they were aware that what they were doing was wrong. Normal sane young people don't go round killing other young people based on the level of Melanin* in their skin. These men denied murdering Stephen Lawrence for all these years aren't they supposed to be punished for obstructing justice too?
During the BBC documentary there was footage that was shot via a hidden camera in the apartment of the accused. When I heard what they were saying about black people, I simply felt physically sick. The second time I came across the footage I simply had to stop watching because all I could of think of was my black friends and how hurtful and disrespectful these men were to people like my friends and their families and friends. I simply couldn't and still cannot take it! I kept thinking how at the time of the murder I was a 13 year old girl living blissfully unaware that life could become a struggle or be take away from you just because you look different! This Maltese Girl in London Sadly has a lot to learn still. When I look at my country it's chaining too and not for the better I'm afraid. Illegal immigration has afflicted the island and unfortunately it is turning some people into racists. I keep comforting myself that the problems arising in my country are not based on skin colour but on socioeconomic crisis that are afflicting everyone and that if the illegal immigrants were blond and blue eyed my people would still have trouble adjusting because the problem is not down to Melanin. I pray and hope that the Maltese people won't change so that I can look all my friends in their eyes and tell them with all honesty that there are still places on this plant that welcome you with open arms no matter how you look.
But before I leave the blog for today I just want to end my rant on a positive note by saying; if people could really take away their inhibitions and look at people as human beings and not as a race or colour or creed they would really appreciate the beauty of this planet. Different is nice, Different is enriching and beautiful it's not at all scary just different. So to answer again my own question the only thing we should see in a diffrent skin colour to ours is the beauty of it! I have a long way to go and a lot more to learn but if there is something that I gathered from my travels so far is not the scenery or the food but the beauty of people, their cultures, their traditions and the COLOUR they bring to life!
Love and respect,
G
*melanin [ˈmɛlənɪn] n (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Biology) any of a group of black or dark brown pigments present in the hair, skin, and eyes of man and animals:
Thursday 5 January 2012
Monday 2 January 2012
New Years Resolutions are they Hopes, Dreams or meer Disillusions?
A year ago today I started to see the cracks in my seemingly perfect life. Like many people I know I decided I wanted to change my life, start over, new year new me, new chapter, new page.... well you know what I'm talking about. I decided I wanted to start a blog, go on a diet, get out of the rat race so on and so forth.
Today I decided I did want to pursue my Blog Project.... what date is it? Oh yes a year later! But like my dear mother used to say "Better late than never"! In all fairness I did go on a diet and loose a considerable amount of weight but I'm still in the Rat Race doing a 9 to 5 job. So all in all I can say that I succeeded in 1 Resolution out of 3 which is not bad at all considering most of the people I discussed resolutions with had thrown all their resolutions out of the window by the first week of the year.
On the 28th of December 2011 I sat down with my journal and made a list of things I want to do in 2012. I listed 9 things that I wanted to do which consist of 3courses, 2 different types of exercise, Volunteering, and learn a life skill. The remaining 2 resolutions were save money and find happiness! So I'm thinking if I apply myself and base myself on last year's statistics I have a chance of sitting here next year and say that I have accomplished 3 out of 9 Resolutions (Unless the Mayans were right in which case I really shouldn't bother). But let's keep the end of the world for another Blog Post shall we?
I have always been fascinated by what I call the New Years Phenomenon. I always found it amusing how people expected things to be different just because we have a new calendar hanging in the kitchen with a different digit at the end of that four figure number! I found it amusing until this year that is, when I have finally succumbed to the Phenomenon myself which made me in the end reflect about it all.
One of my friends on Facebook posted something on the lines of "It's finally 2012 and I just had a look outside and guess what? Everything is still the same". I have to agree with the statement, even though I now find myself a fully converted New Years Resolutioner (yes that is actually word)! What made me convert? The answer to that is very easy to explain, the cracks in my life have become craters and my life has spiralled out of control. I lost my sense of self and had a friend remind me the meaning of self-preservation in the last few months.
Well to summarise life has got tough and I find myself in a situation that naively enough I used to think "it will never happen to me". Much as I am aware that I am still the same person that I was 3 days ago, with the same problems and everything is pretty much the same as it was in 2011 there is something about a New Year starting that gives you hope. I think everybody is a bit of a sucker for new beginnings. How many times have you heard someone say "I will start the diet on Monday!", "Come Monday I am joining a gym!". No one ever says "This Sunday I am swapping my Sunday roast for Salad", "Tomorrow is Thursday and I'm going to start jogging" we simply all need that symmetry of the NEW BEGINNING. I think unfortunately that is what makes us fail and throw away our resolutions, that and the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves,but let me tackle one topic at a time.
I recently realised that I need to make a major decision and for fear of procrastinating I gave myself a cut off date. As the months progressed I started to realise that perhaps I really didn't need to give myself deadlines mainly because the fact that I feared procrastination I was not going to procrastinate and a deadline sometimes is just an added stress to an already stressful situation. The truth is that the deadline was more of a marker in the calendar by which time I was hoping that all my troubles would be resolved and I would have resumed a normal happy life. Having said that I know that if by the fatidical day I haven’t resolved my issues I will feel horrible because I would have let myself down, not reached my goal so on and so forth, which in the end I know it's more guilt than I really need. Instead of a starting point I gave myself and end date. Instead of “from Monday” or “from January the 1st” I just gave myself a 6 month deadline. Does it really make a difference? It might sound like it's work in progress so perhaps it's more promising then a start date but frankly I am still tying something major to a time-line which does note necessarily mean that it will get done.
Hmmm “Getting it done” leads me to my next point the infamous unrealistic expectations! I know now sitting here that having 9 resolutions is very unrealistic. I know now and I knew as I was writing them down that I have a very tough year ahead of me and it's very clear that Saving Money for instance will probably not feature much in my 2012, why did I put that down in my journal then? Maybe it was one of those positive moments where I was feeling on top of things and that I could do anything if I applied myself. Maybe it was all wishful thinking, maybe it was the yearning for a change that made me think that if I filled my every waking hour with an activity, my life would automatically transform itself. In reality if I did try to juggle it all I probably could do it but will it really give me what I am looking for? Will a wish list of exercise, courses and life skills drawn up on one winter morning really give me what I need in 2012? I think not! While I was writing my precious list did I take into account that I am living on planet earth, with a real job and real people in my life, probably not. In 2013 when I will be looking at my list again and see that I didn't achieve what I had listed will I be cutting myself some slack because I couldn’t attend a course because it clashed with a weekly meeting, that I didn't do as much exercise as I wanted because after a long day at the office the only thing I wanted to do is go cuddle up with my pillow or will I be punishing myself for not making the mark? I guess I can only say one thing...... watch this space!
The only true goal on that list was finding Happiness and even that is one big statement which has a multitude of directions it could go. When I look at my list I know that I have skirted around the things I really want in 2012 and I am not talking about materialistic things here. Why didn't I name those things in my list is beyond me but perhaps it's some sort of innate fear of accepting the fact that if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain. So maybe I should start a new journal entitled Resolutions (please note I omitted New Years) and keep it purely for Resolutions which like life itself should evolve and morph rather then simply become an unachievable list of goals drawn up on a bleak December morning. My 9 Resolutions are still things I want to do and achieve but perhaps not all in 2012 and perhaps some of them are not even important enough to be on a list that should be aimed to improve me as a person.
So to answer my own question I think that New Year's Resolutions are hopes and dreams for a better life, a better self that can become disillusions if we let them. One thing is for sure Calendars and Watches will not mark changes but only time that is passing us by, time that we are either using to make those changes, those little twists and turns we all make in our pursuit of happiness, or the time we are wasting away waiting for it to happen.
Happy New Year One and All
Today I decided I did want to pursue my Blog Project.... what date is it? Oh yes a year later! But like my dear mother used to say "Better late than never"! In all fairness I did go on a diet and loose a considerable amount of weight but I'm still in the Rat Race doing a 9 to 5 job. So all in all I can say that I succeeded in 1 Resolution out of 3 which is not bad at all considering most of the people I discussed resolutions with had thrown all their resolutions out of the window by the first week of the year.
On the 28th of December 2011 I sat down with my journal and made a list of things I want to do in 2012. I listed 9 things that I wanted to do which consist of 3courses, 2 different types of exercise, Volunteering, and learn a life skill. The remaining 2 resolutions were save money and find happiness! So I'm thinking if I apply myself and base myself on last year's statistics I have a chance of sitting here next year and say that I have accomplished 3 out of 9 Resolutions (Unless the Mayans were right in which case I really shouldn't bother). But let's keep the end of the world for another Blog Post shall we?
I have always been fascinated by what I call the New Years Phenomenon. I always found it amusing how people expected things to be different just because we have a new calendar hanging in the kitchen with a different digit at the end of that four figure number! I found it amusing until this year that is, when I have finally succumbed to the Phenomenon myself which made me in the end reflect about it all.
One of my friends on Facebook posted something on the lines of "It's finally 2012 and I just had a look outside and guess what? Everything is still the same". I have to agree with the statement, even though I now find myself a fully converted New Years Resolutioner (yes that is actually word)! What made me convert? The answer to that is very easy to explain, the cracks in my life have become craters and my life has spiralled out of control. I lost my sense of self and had a friend remind me the meaning of self-preservation in the last few months.
Well to summarise life has got tough and I find myself in a situation that naively enough I used to think "it will never happen to me". Much as I am aware that I am still the same person that I was 3 days ago, with the same problems and everything is pretty much the same as it was in 2011 there is something about a New Year starting that gives you hope. I think everybody is a bit of a sucker for new beginnings. How many times have you heard someone say "I will start the diet on Monday!", "Come Monday I am joining a gym!". No one ever says "This Sunday I am swapping my Sunday roast for Salad", "Tomorrow is Thursday and I'm going to start jogging" we simply all need that symmetry of the NEW BEGINNING. I think unfortunately that is what makes us fail and throw away our resolutions, that and the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves,but let me tackle one topic at a time.
I recently realised that I need to make a major decision and for fear of procrastinating I gave myself a cut off date. As the months progressed I started to realise that perhaps I really didn't need to give myself deadlines mainly because the fact that I feared procrastination I was not going to procrastinate and a deadline sometimes is just an added stress to an already stressful situation. The truth is that the deadline was more of a marker in the calendar by which time I was hoping that all my troubles would be resolved and I would have resumed a normal happy life. Having said that I know that if by the fatidical day I haven’t resolved my issues I will feel horrible because I would have let myself down, not reached my goal so on and so forth, which in the end I know it's more guilt than I really need. Instead of a starting point I gave myself and end date. Instead of “from Monday” or “from January the 1st” I just gave myself a 6 month deadline. Does it really make a difference? It might sound like it's work in progress so perhaps it's more promising then a start date but frankly I am still tying something major to a time-line which does note necessarily mean that it will get done.
Hmmm “Getting it done” leads me to my next point the infamous unrealistic expectations! I know now sitting here that having 9 resolutions is very unrealistic. I know now and I knew as I was writing them down that I have a very tough year ahead of me and it's very clear that Saving Money for instance will probably not feature much in my 2012, why did I put that down in my journal then? Maybe it was one of those positive moments where I was feeling on top of things and that I could do anything if I applied myself. Maybe it was all wishful thinking, maybe it was the yearning for a change that made me think that if I filled my every waking hour with an activity, my life would automatically transform itself. In reality if I did try to juggle it all I probably could do it but will it really give me what I am looking for? Will a wish list of exercise, courses and life skills drawn up on one winter morning really give me what I need in 2012? I think not! While I was writing my precious list did I take into account that I am living on planet earth, with a real job and real people in my life, probably not. In 2013 when I will be looking at my list again and see that I didn't achieve what I had listed will I be cutting myself some slack because I couldn’t attend a course because it clashed with a weekly meeting, that I didn't do as much exercise as I wanted because after a long day at the office the only thing I wanted to do is go cuddle up with my pillow or will I be punishing myself for not making the mark? I guess I can only say one thing...... watch this space!
The only true goal on that list was finding Happiness and even that is one big statement which has a multitude of directions it could go. When I look at my list I know that I have skirted around the things I really want in 2012 and I am not talking about materialistic things here. Why didn't I name those things in my list is beyond me but perhaps it's some sort of innate fear of accepting the fact that if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain. So maybe I should start a new journal entitled Resolutions (please note I omitted New Years) and keep it purely for Resolutions which like life itself should evolve and morph rather then simply become an unachievable list of goals drawn up on a bleak December morning. My 9 Resolutions are still things I want to do and achieve but perhaps not all in 2012 and perhaps some of them are not even important enough to be on a list that should be aimed to improve me as a person.
So to answer my own question I think that New Year's Resolutions are hopes and dreams for a better life, a better self that can become disillusions if we let them. One thing is for sure Calendars and Watches will not mark changes but only time that is passing us by, time that we are either using to make those changes, those little twists and turns we all make in our pursuit of happiness, or the time we are wasting away waiting for it to happen.
Happy New Year One and All
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